Tax Day!!!

A BIT OF TAX DAY HUMOR
by Maxine

~~~^j^~~~

Thanks be to God!
I'm on the mend!
Much better today!

As a matter of fact, I'm off to tackle the dreaded, "Oh, my gosh, what's under the kitchen sink!" Have a grand day!

Sniff!!! Sniff!!!

I appear to have caught some kind of "Spring Bug" unlike the much awaited "Spring Fever." Will be [sniff] back here [cough] as soon as I can [sniff, sniff]. I'm sorry to be missing all your wonderful posts. [cough, cough, cough...cough]. You all have a grand day!

~~~^j^~~~
Thanks be to God!

Sometimes You NEED a GOOD Laugh...

Lead In My Pencil
Originally uploaded by *ian*

Mom has done it again. Wishing you all a LAUGH OUT LOUD DAY!!!

PUNS...GO AHEAD AND OVERDEW IT!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. Now matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects!

~~~^j^~~~

Thanks be to God

'Tis the Season...

Even with viruses going around everywhere, it seems that one never expects the one you rely on heavily to get one. Well, it happened. About 3 days ago, after we got back from our Thanksgiving Trek to Charlotte, Simon, The Computer, got sick. Apparently, he has been shaking hands with others who are sick and have not washed their hands.

At any rate, he is at the "Puter Hospital." Hope to know the outcome soon. His friend Maggie, The Monitor, is failing, so will have to retire her and get a new replacement. Until later and I get back to things as normal (What is normal?), I'll be reading mostly from work, but will wait to do most of my commenting until Simon is up and moving again!

~~~^j^~~~

And Thanks be to God for you all!!!

A reason be to QUIET...

Well, wouldn't you know? The Feast of Saint Blase isn't until February 3. Can't remember the last time I had a sore throat like this. It feels like I had my tonsils removed all over again...Dr. Kris said the best thing to do is just rest my voice for the weekend as I have had this for about 4 days now and being quiet would help. (A boss's gentle way of saying,"Be still.") The cough medicine worked now if only the honey and lemon would do their part...

You all have a restful, holy weekend and perhaps by the time I am due to lector tomorrow, all will be "well."

~~~^j^~~~
Thanks be to God!!!!

God's Pharmacy

Picture by mightymightymatse

"Be still and know that I am God"
Psalm 45:10

This was sent to me by a friend and now I share it with you! It certainly puts a new light on my ideas about the worth of fruits and vegetables. Now, they are not just vitamins and minerals...

A sliced carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye...and yes, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

A tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.

Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all the research today show grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.

A Walnut look like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles and folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more that three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

Kidney beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and, yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, bok choy, rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Avacadoes, eggplant, and pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female--they look just like these organs. Today's research show that when a woman eats one avacado a week it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound. It takes exactly 9 months to grow an avacado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are 14,000 photolitic chemical constituents of nutritionin each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and name about 141 of them).

Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increse the numbers of sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

Sweet potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the gylcemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.

Oranges, grapefurits and other Citurs furits look just like the breast and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

Onlions look like the body's cells. Todays research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

So there you have it. Eat hearty and now enjoy those fruits and veggies knowing how healthy they really can make you! God has been so good to us!

~~~^j^~~~

Thanks be to God!