Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Joy In All The Heat

Today I join Meri for Share the Joy Thursday.   For I believe we need to find it in my life every day no matter the realities in which we live.  God is Good in so many ways even in times of trial.

Joy comes in many forms.
And this day has the potential of
being just as grand as
A bit of humor

During all the heat and humidity
we must bear.

Joy today must be shared in the humor we find in life itself.  It is miserable outside.  It's been that way for weeks...I have to laugh, because  there is nothing I can do about it.  I have not control of it.  Then today a friend, Father Tim Tenbarge sent the following!  Please enjoy!

"IT'S SO HOT!!!  REALLY?.....HOW HOT IS  IT?....."
 ......the birds have to use potholders to  pull the worms out of the ground.
 .....the trees are  whistling for the dogs.
 .....the best parking place is  determined by shade instead of distance  water comes from both taps. can make sun tea  instantly. learn that a seat belt  buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
 .....the  temperature drops below 90 F and you feel a little  chilly. discover that in July it only takes  two fingers to steer your car. discover that you can  get sunburned through your car window.  actually burn your hand opening the car door. break  into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30  A.M.
.....your biggest motorcycle wreck fear is, "What if I  get knocked out  and  end up lying on the pavement and cook to  death"? realize that asphalt has a liquid  stage.
 .....the potatoes cook underground, so  all you have to do is pull one out and add  butter.
.....the cows are giving evaporated  milk. are feeding their  chickenscrushed ice to keep them from laying boiled  eggs.
 .....that  the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling
 .....the  Methodists are using wet-wipes
 .....the Presbyterians are  giving rain checks
 ..... and the Catholics are  praying for the wine to turn back into water!

Thanks to Father Tim
Thanks be to God!!!


Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Very Funny Joke

Because it's the season when we can use all the help we can get when preparing for the celebration I thought I'd share this bit of humor a friend sent me today.  I know for I could use his services...

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her  girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy,  middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take  her eyes off him .

This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and  walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her  apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her,  "I'll  do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter  how  kinky, for $20.00 ... on one condition ..."

Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was.  The  man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just  three  words. "

The woman considered his proposition for a  moment, and then slowly removed  $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with  her address. She looked deeply  and passionately into his eyes, barely  concealing her anticipation  and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully  said....

"Clean my house."

Wishing all a wonderful day!!!

Thanks be to God!



Monday, August 23, 2010

A Little Cat Humor!

I don't have a clue how he got into the sack, but Sam was perfectly happy just nesting there.  Sam provides us with a lot of humorous moments.  What does your animal do to cheer you?
For the gift of animals I say,
"Thanks be to God!"

Friday, May 21, 2010

End of the Week Humor

Wishing all a grand weekend
full of laughter and cheer.

Thanks be to God!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Information of National Importance to Women!



I can't believe I was doing it wrong all these years.

Thanks be to God!

I don't know to whom I should give credit for this but it made my day! So I guess I will thank Karen who sent it to me!!!

Tuesday, March 09, 2010


I don't know how I did it, but I certainly did. I failed to introduce my friends O'Malley, McGlone, and O'Toole. Friends of mine for years, as they share a special place in my life daily...MY Computer Desk! For years, I've forgotten how many, they have brought me a bit of the light side of life...One cannot have TOO much "light side!"

God be with you!

Thanks be to God!

Monday, March 08, 2010

A Bit of Irish Humor!!!

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

Thanks be to God!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

A Bit of Thanksgiving Humor

Maggie sent me this tale. Please take time out from stuffing, cooking, baking, mopping and cleaning. Rest and enjoy!!! You NEED a break!!!

A Parrot And A Turkey

A young man received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. The man tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, he was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back and cursed him.

He shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

The man, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, he quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto the man's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do verything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

The man was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very, very softly: "May I ask what the turkey did?"

~~~Happy Thanksgiving~~~

Thanks be to God!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Bad Haiku Friday

Maxine is a kick
She is life's foremost cynic
Life's too short for that!

Have a grand day!!!

Thanks be to God!!!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Word Play or How To Have a Way With Words

This week as been a treasure of pictures and words. Bev offered me this gift and I offer it to you! I hope it makes you smile as it did me!


1. The nicest thing about the future is that it
always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness
will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you
probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is
when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who
is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who
wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because
they demonstrate how many people a company
can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel
younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a cat and you will have a
permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than
the boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones
just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting
a call for a wrong number at 4 AM.
Like this: It could be a right number.

13. No one ever says 'It's only a game' when
their team is winning..

14. I've reached the age where the happy
hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print.
There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that
not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, there
will be thousands of old ladies running
around with tattoos? (And rap music
will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness ---
but somehow it's more comfortable
to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching
in every joint, you are probably dead!

20. Always be yourself. Because the people
that matter, don't mind. And the one's
that mind, don't matter.

Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Thanks be to God!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Gift of Humor...

Forgetter Be Forgotten?
y forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

ft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.

t times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who the hell was that?'

es, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.



I certainly can relate...I offer this in lieu of Bad Haiku Friday! It is much too funny to ignore. Please enjoy~~And Thank You to Margaret for sending it!


Thanks be to God!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Male or Female

Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under [them]!

These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people..


Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying

Are you laughing?!?!?! Good! Now have a wonderful day!

Thanks be to Emily for the smiles!
Thanks be to God!!

So SORRY the pics didin't come through! Cathy

Monday, July 20, 2009

The INs and OUTs

Add ImageThis is what my desk looked like last Monday. It has nothing to do with a cup of coffee and everything to do with ten(10) days vacation. Today WILL be different. I've been back at week and the IN is mostly OUT!

Thanks be to God

Friday, April 24, 2009

Must Reads For All Mothers...

As a young mother and recently graduated nurse I felt that mothering was right up my alley. Snuggle, nurtured, bathe, babble, reprimand, educate, snuggle, hug, read, play, snuggle, nap, color, teach, cuddle, it was all in the texts I had read. What I failed to read or chose not to grasp when I read these books about mothering was the anger, sadness, frustration, self-pity, and used feelings that "mothering" can manifest. Then I "met" Erma Bombeck in her books. As the saying goes, "Laugh, I thought I'd die!" I needed to be told that a mother needs, AT THE TOP OF HER LIST OF SKILLS, is a Sense of Humor. Erma Bombeck offered me that! It was a lesson that has given me strength on many occasions and helped me to realize that life it too short not to laugh at every opportunity!


When Erma Bombeck graduated from high school in 1944, she was determined to go to college and become a successful writer. She enrolled at Ohio University, but her future as a writer seemed bleak. Articles for the college newspaper were rejected, and she struggled to pass freshman composition. Discouraged, she enrolled at the University of Dayton.

Brother Tom Price, faculty advisor for the university magazine, invited here to do some humor pieces. Erma gave it a try and one day Brother Tom turned to her and said three key words which changed her live: "You can write."

Upon her 1940 graduation. Erma got a job at the Dayton Journal-Herald where she launched the career that would make her famous. Her column, based on her experience as a wife and mother, eventually spread to 900 newspapers.

While at the University of Dayton, Erma converted to Catholicism.
The Little White Book


In her humor she taught me a lot about mothering. And LAUGHING is so good for one's health. I learned not to take myself so seriously! Please. If you don't do another thing, go to your local library and get one of her books. Look for: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?; Family--The Ties That Bind and Gag; The Grass Is Always Greener over the Septic Tank. These books were passed around from mother to mother and when I got my copy back it was warn and tattered, but all of us mothers greeted each other with smiles and could say, "I've been there." And then laugh heartily!


Thank you, Erma Bombeck
and especially
Thanks be to God!

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

April Fools Day Humor

Art by Mary Engelbreit

With all the jokes and pranks yet to be pulled today, I thought I would offer this one. Sent me by a friend, I hope you will enjoy it and chuckle a bit.


In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.'

Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."

So it is that we are grateful for a sense of humor. Laughter is healing and beneficial, so today do not loose that sense of humor and be sure and laugh at yourself. Don't take yourself too seriously. Frown lines will develop if you do!



Friday, March 27, 2009

It's Friday!!!

To all my friends I offer you a cup of coffee and an apple danish. Then it's off we go on the adventure offered us this day. God Bless!


And thanks be to God!

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Time Change...

Twice a year I HAVE to change. I'm made to conform! And why? With all the things in the world that NEED to change, why can't I just leave the clock the way it is? Has it caused injury, defamed, maimed, or murdered? I guess that poor device could be accused of stealing and then after repenting returning what it stole months later, but then I become a co-conspirator. AND I'm not sure what was stolen is really replaced. This seems like such a "waste of time!"

Please use your time wisely today, because tomorrow you will have time you have to make up.
Have a grand weekend.


Thanks be to God!

Visit World of Mothers for some time saving advise.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Angels explained by Children

This was sent to me my many friends. It is a little lighthearted humor about one of God's treasured gifts to us. Have a grand weekend with lots of smiles!

Angels Explained by Children

I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold... Gregory, 5

Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it. --Olive, 9

It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes. --Matthew, 9

Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else. --Mitchell, 7

My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science. --Henry, 8

Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows. --Jack, 6

Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead. --Daniel, 9

Love this one:

When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado. --Reagan, 10

Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter. --Sara, 6

Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter.--Jared, 8

All! angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it. --Antonio, 9

My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth. --Katelynn, 9


Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the child get over it.

What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them


Thanks be to God!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Seriously Frustrated!!!

Our Bible Study is Catholic Scripture Study. We meet every Thursday night, barring severe ice storms and heavy snow. We are studying the Book of Revelation. It comes with a wonderful text, excellent questions and the group in which we participate allows for informative discussion and helpful insights. There are about 40 all told in the class and 8 in our group!

Enough about the demographics. Since "Simon" got sick the only thing I miss is the speakers outline (OH, I forgot to tell you there is a film lecture at the end of the class). I had found it helpful when listening to the speaker. Well, since "Simon's" healing I can't print it out because it is encoded and I CAN'T figure out how to un-encode it!!!!! (HUUUFFFFF).

So with questions answered, PRINTED quotes from the CCC and the concordance helps printed. I will attend class tonight without my Lecture Notes! Such is life! But if anyone knows what I am talking about and can help me UNLOCK the CODE (I sound like Indiana Jones--get it INDIANA Jones) I would be soooo grateful. If not PLEASE have a GRAND day!

Thanks be to God!

Free clipart, animations and web graphics