Sometimes You NEED a GOOD Laugh...

Lead In My Pencil
Originally uploaded by *ian*

Mom has done it again. Wishing you all a LAUGH OUT LOUD DAY!!!

PUNS...GO AHEAD AND OVERDEW IT!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. Now matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects!

~~~^j^~~~

Thanks be to God

Have a Weekend Full of PUN...

Mary Engelbreit

Mother sent me these laugh-out-loud puns. Please "make a joyful noise" as you read them and have a wonderful weekend!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. Now matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects!

~~^j^~~
Thanks be to God!

A Little Light Humor...

A friend sent this to me and I laughed out loud! Please enjoy Emily's contribution to today's A Bit of the Blarney! (Please feel free to substitute brunette, redhead, or gray hair for the coworker. )

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside-down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off . A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What on earth are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb .

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,'And where do you think you're going?! '

She said, 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark .'

~~~~~~~

Thanks be to God!

Sharing...

I received a couple of things this week from my email neighborhood that I would like to share with your. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

First:

Humor for Lexophiles

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. 4. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. 5. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 6. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

7. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A

8. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a
number on it!

9. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on
shaky ground.

10. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

11. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

12. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is just two-tired.

13. A will is a dead giveaway.

14. A backward poet writes inverse.

15. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

16. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

17. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in
linoleum blownapart.

18. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

19. A calendar's days are numbered.

20. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

21. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

22. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd
dye.

23. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

24. Acupuncture: a jab well done


Next:

Greaser Babies, a video destined for greatness?


All have a grand day!!!

~~~~~~~^j^~~~~~~
Thanks be to God!

Shirley Goodnest

A dear friend sent me this via email. I really think it's cute and in it's way a way of reflecting on the goodness and tenderness of our mothers who sent us all off to school with a prayer. I know my MOM did...So here is to sharing love and humor This beautiful Sunday!

A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him.

She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.

She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with an other neighbor girl he knew. She did this for the whole we ek.

As t he two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week?

Do you know her?'
Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.'
The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'
'That's just Shirley Goodnest,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.'

'Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us? '

'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the d ays of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'

The Lord b less you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace.

May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always.

~~~^j^~~~

Thanks be to God!!!

My Life is a Magnet...

If you looked at my refrigerator you would ask yourself, as I have many time, why doesn't this freezer door just fall off? I have collected magnets for some time. I have my treasured Colorado Aspen leaf and the Corpus Christi sea shell. There are magnets from the Indianapolis Museum of Art, the Evansville Museum, the High Museum in Atlanta, and the ultimate museums, The Smithsonian. I have magnets from Dublin and Mount Rushmore. I have gifts from Rome and Ontario. For goodness sake. I don't need to write a book...My life is on my refrigerator.

*_*_*_*_*

Thanks be to God!

Would you look at this...

Sam the Regal Cat...

...resting on his royal throne.

The irony is that Sam really appears to look like the cat on the throw...I could only laugh as he seemed entirely oblivious to the camera and me. I wasn't going to ruffle his "royal" feathers. This was my bit of humor today and it was well worth waiting for. Hope you can get a chuckle out of it, too.

~~~^j^~~~

Good evening
and
Thank be to God!!

Sorting and Cleaning...

One cannot sort and clean without being distracted by magazines once read but somehow forgotten. Such was the case of the St. Anthony Messenger, February, 2008, sitting on my desk, lo these many months. So I thumbed through it and what a surprise...

And so it is with a brain mushy from the humidity and eyes watering and itching from allergies that I send you this bit of humor! I wondered how the "little buggers" survived in the off season. (Who would have thought, mosquitoes in February? Ingenious!)

Wishing all a grand and glorious day!!!

~~~~~~~
Thanks be to God!

How do you decide who to marry...

I hope you will laugh as heartily as I did after I received this as an email...Whew!!! Kleenex anyone?


HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is ..........

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck .

-- Ricky, age 10

~~~~~~~^j^~~~~~~~

For children and their veritable
wealth of knowledge I say,

"Thanks be to God!"
And to my friend, Karen!

The Gift of Community

This morning I found this picture to be a most delightful reminder of who we are and how we are to behave as a loving family of God. Kids have a way of letting us know how to love and share the love. I "love" the child in the pew in front of me, who dares me to smile at her and then when I do I am rewarded with that gorgeous grin! A distraction, maybe, but God's love is personified non-the-less. The picture accompanies a very good reflection and so it is that I share it with you.

~~~~~~~

Consider Yourself At Home

A big part of Sunday is going to a building without a second floor. There may be a balcony or a choir loft, but basically the ground floor of the church is the only floor. The altar and pulpit are elevated so people can see, but other than that it is a prairie.

This has ramifications for community. The shopping-bag lady and the real estate man and the cop in uniform and the blind guy who everybody helps to Communion and you...all stand and kneel and sit next to each other--as if we had something in common. On Sunday you know you belong. You might not be happy with those to whom you belong, but you are not in the Lost and Found department. An entire group of motley people has arrived with a claim check.

The first Easter brought back the disbanded. They of the fast footed fear were overtaken by the Hurrying One. And everyone was welcomed, a boundless hospitality with bread and wine for all. Sunday is solidarity even after we have been lost or have run away or just have been gone too long for reasons we can no longer remember. Sunday is the day we know there is nothing between us but the walls we build.

John Shae

~~~~~~~
Sunday, that Holy Event!!!
Thanks be to God!!!!!

***

Aside: Word of the Day (sent to me by a friend): "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." -- George Carlin (1937- )